Diary entry: 18.12.2014

So, meditation classes on Tuesdays have been postponed to 2015 as the organisers went abroad. And filming for Certified Dea d resumes 2015 too. So, not much to do now.

Recently I bought a Singapore Business Law book. I think I'm weird. I enjoy learning random yet could-be-practical facts. It's a freaking large book, hahaha, which I got for a discount. Did not go out much actually. Mostly to the dentist at Bugis to check on my braces. Went to Zouk last night but I didn't enjoy much. The crowds too big and I was already in a kind of crappy mood! But I did saw some secondary school friends I missed. I'm reallyyy going to stop this nonsense. Got plans to go the UV light party on 20th at Azzurra but I'm ditching that. Took ilmu Fiqh (Muamalat/Economics), Arabic, Dakwah (Preaching) and Hadith exam for Pergas. On 22nd gonna watch The Hobbit with Rota 4 medics and EMT. Then on 24h going to South Korea for a holiday with family.

Speaking of which, things at home is icy cold. I will stay rooted to my principle that family is the foundation of support. Inshaalah, sense and understanding can open the hearts of people. Everyone keeps running away from home. Anyway, won't talk about this. Okay, I'll watch Winter Sonata now. Damn, this drama really tear jerker. Fold the clothes, clean my room. Then with a clean and comfortable room, for bed night reading, I'll probably read Singapore Business Law. Over and out.

Fate

The Angel asked God "What will the age of this person be? What are his or her deeds? (Will they be good or bad?) What will you bless this child with? And will he or she lead a happy or unfortunate life?" God replied asking the Angel to go to a place called Luh al-Mahfuz where everything have been written down even before creation. So the Angel went there and wrote everything down to the tiniest detail about this human. And everything was already predestined from the start for the unborn innocent child.

Big Brother and me 

Everything is Fated. What we do, did, rejoiced, regretted. The bad choices. The misunderstandings. The dilemma and then the crying. A question was raised since a long time ago. Why bother even trying since everything have been predestined? Just let things be. It will bring you straight to your natural course. The paradox about this statement is if you do not do anything or much, you most likely amount to little or nothing. Thus, the irony is that it could be Fated you were going to do nothing and amount to nothing. Things, realistically speaking, requires effort or it will not move. Like in Physics, Newton's First Law of Motion. Only once it moves, fate will determine it's course. That is why people put in effort, they persevere. They do not know what is the end, thus they keep trying newer things and break into the unknown. They MAKE history. Another positive input about this is that the uncertainty in the future makes life so much more enjoyable. It makes it exciting. Because routines do get boring and so is doing "nothing". There is this quote from the story Katekyo Hitman Reborn from a mother, "I want you to work hard so that you have something to be happy and live for"
Small and insightful, this message. :')

The future is bright :) (Austin hills)

When we are young, our future is very uncertain. We say the future is so "bright". Millions and millions of possibilities on what can be and who we can be. When we are very young, our rational decisions are governed by what occurs in our immediate presence and the present and rarely is it so future-oriented. But when we mature, our horizons are enlarged. The world just becomes larger and tremendous.Some early decisions do play a large part in our life path, for example if we would develop an education-oriented mindset, or a more unstable yet independent real life mindset. Then when we get older, the choices seem to narrow for most for they came to the conclusion that "this is their life". Office hours, go home alone or to their families and they ask themselves, "Now, what should I do?" Some retirees, housewives or househusbands think, "Now what should I do?" So much time given for unfruitful, unsatisfying routines. They came to a conclusion that this is their life. They do not have the energy of the youth to kickstart and keep that light of possibilities in front of them. The future becomes dimmer. All they wait is for the end. Fate. This cycle, people say is all Fate. Yes, in part it is, in my opinion. But Fate also means looking at the finer things in this cycle. The job, family. The state of being. The past. The small things that add up to that point because everything have been planned to BUILD UP to that point.

Wal A'sr (Demi Masa) (Saudi Arabia)

Wallah hu khoirulmaakirin. And Allah is the Best of Planners. Take a moment to think. Separate from the crowd, in your room or at the park and breathe... And think. Thinking about the past, present and future keeps you motivated. It makes you grateful. It makes you "thought"ful of other people, yourself and the world. We reflect our past; the mistakes, the incidents, the joy and the friends. Laugh a little at the memories. We actually learn something from each of these experiences. For example, a great work environment starts when there are equals at the start of your work journey, so there are competition, friends and someone you can relate to in every work situation. I mentioned once before about the tiny influences, even if a little, of the things around us. The books we read, the films we saw or the people we hang out with. They affect us. But we are all rational people; we can think. What did we learn from them? Was that good for us? {Knowing what is good and right is debatable by itself because we cannot DEFINE what is good or bad. What is the benchmark? Who said it is good? Who said stealing is bad? Atheists will say the benchmark of good is when you feel good or you make others feel good with that action and not sad, angry or disappointed. If it FEELS good, it is good. Then non-atheists will counter what makes us feel that it is good? Our humanity? God?} And finally, from the past, we will finally think, why did this happen?
Then, we think of the present. Where we are now. What we are doing. Think about the people we know and the people in our life. Our family. The people I need. The good ones that have guided you. The bad ones who have corrupted or demoralized you. Then we think what we can do for them. I want to meet them. I miss them, want to thank them for they have taught me so much. So much about life and happiness.
Then we think about the future. You want to be successful because of them or upon thinking harder you want to be successful for God for wanting you to learn all these and be successful. Make them proud. Then they not only acknowledge you, you acknowledge them saying "I am here because of you".

There are a lot of questions, and some "answers" are not answers but merely assumptions and thoughts because everyone's answer is or most likely is different. But one thing is for certain, for all the things that have happened and all the minor things you felt you have learnt from your experiences, high or low, everything have been planned out, amazingly. Things are as it is and I hope you find this as comforting as I did because you are there just because you are meant to be there. So learn something. There is something to be learnt where you are now. It is Fate.

People who think, in my opinion, may not be smart, but they are wise, more rational and tactful. People who believe in a Higher Authority, they are more calm, contented and flexible in the difficulties they face. Recently I watched a classic Korean drama, Winter Sonata, which have many valuable quotes, a heartwarming symbolism and a storyline that hitched a large part on Fate. I am really humoured by the fact the two lovers somehow HAD to be with each other. The stars are really aligned for them from the start. I wish my life is like that. Drawn to someone from the start but not really finding her, but when I realise and do find her, it is after so many incidents worthy of a drama. Hahaha. Unlikely. But then, it have not happened. What is fate? Until next time when time permits...
Wan

It still is...

I think when someone catches your eye, the rest becomes a distraction; unworthy of the admiration you have for that person. Because honestly, the eye never left the person.

Diary entry: Braces, Love, Addictions and Alchemists

The past week pass real fast. Major things that happened, other than the usual interesting ambulance calls which I won't/can't/prefer not to divulge but I can share it personally if we meet, I got BRACES. Yep, about time. It'll take 2 years or so so not all my uni life will be affected by it. :) or rather :#. Hahaha I had to save up enough the past few months to get them. Since young I really needed them but I didn't get the financial/ moral support so, I had to get them myself=work=after JC. It's an investment to me. Damn it really is uncomfortable now but I guess in the long run with a long life inshaallah, it'll be worth it.

In other news, I watched Love, Rosie recently. Not really a great emotional story but I like the maturity and the cuteness of the story. SWEET DIABETES, god. Especially Rosie's toast at Alex's wedding. The longing.. desperation.. and disappointment.. The disappointment was very well played out in my opinion. As if trying to say "This is Life. Just get on with the flow."  RealIy sweet.. :3 Which reminds me of my very pathetic love life. After DB, I stopped texting Dawn or Tessa(whom left me hanging anyway hahaha). No more "wake up" or "breakfast delivery" msges. Well, I do want to get married only when I'm >28 and when I'm successful inshaallah. That means I have 4 more years to find a soulmate and about 4 years of getting to know her. Now, if I do get into a serious relationship, I won't put too much effort into it I think. Also, this means about 6+ years to put my success plans into action. Inshaallah I can make it. Amin :)))

One cigarette. One suck. One puff. Cough. Cough. Cough. Take it back! Wth. Not nice at all man.. . It taste really bad and the smell lingers in your mouth. And it is really smoky to the point of choking. In my opinion, there is no use to smoking. It makes you giddy, a little high, that's it. Although you do socialize as you smoke, but couldn't you do it without smoking? Such a waste of money and health. Ironically the people who smokes discouraged me.  Does this equate hypocrisy? That is one addiction there is no point in getting into. Speaking of addiction, I went to Zouk the previous Friday which I deemed as my last time there. Gareth Emery was playing at Velvet Underground with his "State of Trance" genre of music. It is not the grooving kind of music but rather the serenity or enjoyment of the music itself, so the people there were just lifting their hands and absorbing the music. I like Dash Berlin's trance song "Shelter" a lot. It's good. But anyway, I spent my time at Phuture with DJ Ghetto in the house. There was this really cute Chinese girl I was dancing with but she was so so drunk around 2am her friends apologetically brought her home. But damn she was really crazy! hahaha. She was so high she could have ripped my shirt. NOT someone I want to be with but it was temporary fun. Afterwards I was flirting with another girl with a guy friend whom I presume was just her friend. Turns out the guy was her bf. But wth, why is the guy so accepting I was talking with his gf and why the hell the girl was flirting back. Sigh.. Must take care of her if want bring her to these places. Worse of all, waste my time -.-

2 days ago, I finished reading a 108 chapters long manga, Fullmetal Alchemist. The last 20 chapters I was really absorbed. The plot is really deep and the characters are really strong individuals, readers would root to them till the end. The Ishval Civil War and genocide, the rise of the military nation Amestri, King Bradley the Fuhrer and the heroic "Flame Alchemist" Mustang. Who should we trust? Who is in the wrong? Can so much power and stability in a country be at a price? Is there a secret behind the success of the prosperous nation? I just didn't like their atheist-like understanding in the artist's world. Gahh. What a good read. Hahaha

An Important Story

"All praise is due to God, Lord of the worlds, The entirely Merciful, the especially Merciful".
Translation from Al-Fatihah. The 2nd and 3rd verse of the opening of the Quran. The 3rd verse can also be translated to mean, The Caring One, the Loving One.
I guess I want the opening of the entry to be The Opening. Back in November 2013 I attended a talk by Ustad Nouman Ali Khan on the meaning of these verses. Beautiful. And the meaning supposedly explains the entire Islamic Faith.
Lately, I have met some extraordinarily amazing people who have changed my mindset of the way I see people and life. Each carry their own moral, or message. From them, I garnered firm beliefs and rationales when I approach decisions. Najib told me that being with someone will slowly transform a person to be a little like that someone, quoting himself as an example. Mixing with awesome and nice people will subconsciously make you be a little like them, to fit in. Someone is lame, you counter with a little humor in your response. Similarly, if someone is a little aggressive, you duplicate that person a little. And you carry this slight change in behavior in you elsewhere. This defines you. But there are some exceptional case, in my opinion, when someone impacts you so hard, you consciously will yourself to change. And you succeed. And you find your new principles in life.

 Everything that happen is fated. You are here, or there for a reason. You meet someone for a reason. For me, one person deserves special mention. In Junior College, I got hit pretty bad in the beginning of the year. It was to be my first real test of hardship. I didn't know myself, I had little confidence in my abilities. Most of my circle of friends in Secondary School went elsewhere. Some went other JCs, some to poly. I tried to get off on a good start. I signed up for all kinds of tryouts. I failed in every one of them. Floorball, dance, soccer. I got into College Publications. I missed out on being a counselor. I failed in cheerleading audition. I failed for a leadership post for CP. My grades was underwater because it was below C level. Haha. Actually, it was worse. It was straight Us. Ernest joked that his mum was happy when he showed his results and she thought he got 25/80 rank points. But she did not see the decimal place, 2.5. Anyway, these actually scared me. Some people were backbiting and demeaning others. There was class politics. My family was the same. During this time, they fought a lot. On 28 March, after continuously going back to one source who would listen, my then girlfriend, I broke up with her. It was irrational. Partly because somehow she couldn't make me feel any better but mostly because I didn't want to burden her and I can see that she would not fit into my life in the future. It is meant for someone else. That day, when I broke up with her, I was devastated. I went to the sick bay and feigned illness to skip Maths lecture. There, I just cried.

I was in depression and that carried on till end of J1, a very long time. During that period, I hated school and meeting people, I was late to school 1/3 of the time and got a 2  month early sign in from the DM. I rarely did homework. Someone saved me. He offered me a helping hand and I so gladly took it. Ernest Teh, the extremely humble and nice guy I owe so much to. He spent a lot of time with me, encouraging and giving motivation. I was a hell of a burden, but this guy he took so much of his time to help me. He accompanied me to study after school, debate and talk a lot of thought provoking things which I enjoy doing and basically was there for me till I get back on my feet. He is my best friend, my bro. He brought me to church and to meet his church friends sometimes for church events, because he is an active church member and organiser, and we would talk and discuss about our religions. There is so many similarities and facts we didn't know about each other religion. My interest in my religion was piqued. In order to counter the questions posed to me by his church friends, I have to know about my religion. I researched and ask my Ustads about my doubts. I regain my Faith and it have been an ultimate source of comfort and principle for me since then. Always do what is right. This bro have been an idol for me. He is so very humble but ultimately his one great attribute is he wants to do what is right and he helps, really helps, those that needs it. He helped me. In J2 my final year, with just that push, I started to find my momentum. I did not want to fail in life. I started studying like mad. I had so much to catch up on. My grades during Final year promotion in J1 was SUUUU. Ernest and sometimes my other classmates would accompany me study at the library or CC. I booked many consultation slots with Ernest and found myself tuition. Soon, I would go study on my own as I felt it to be least distracting. You can find me in the library studying or sleeping alone on most weekdays. I don't care, I need to catch up. My grades slowly improved. I could feel it. By mid year, I scored some D but still have S and Us. "Strong S and Us". I forgot who said that. When I wanted to give up, Ernest would come and motivate me. "Eh, come on la bro!". I actually started to seriously do my homework and tried not to copy from others as usual. My foundation was really really weak, I had to revisit my J1 topics in addition to the J2 topics. But in the end it really paid off. My grades were not great, mostly Bs. But these Bs meant the world to me. It meant hardwork and sweat and sacrifice. I got into all the local university which I applied to, NUS NTU SMU. In other words, I succeeded this first step. I thought back on the early days from the start of my JC life and I thought of all the help this amazing guy had done for me. I am truly indebted to him. We still meet up, most times just to catch up and also to play table tennis. He changed my life and is my role model, no matter what people said of him.

Me, Tian yu and Ernest Teh

Anyway, I just had to tell this story because it means a lot to me. It impacted me and changed my perspectives a lot. I actually wrote this a long time ago but didn't publish it. God have a plan for you, keep your Faith, believe, and work hard in life. Be nice, humble, fun, funny and smart. :D Thanks brah!