Bad things happen for a reason. That is a lesson I so endear or had wished it was true. Although the reason may not be satisfying, it does formulate to the bad things which happen. That is the truth. The early part of 2014 was a time I was grasping with injustices I felt were pouring towards my direction. National Service does that to you. You start as a recruit, doing all the small stuff whether you are rich or poor, smart or stupid, we all did the tiring lousier jobs. That is the pyramid of things. You shift the burden to the bottom and as you progress up the ladder you get to throw some burden down the chain. That is the tradition. The reason given is the responsibility gets bigger up the pyramid. If things cock up, the whole way down gets into trouble starting from the top. In my mind, I had a vision of what a good solid structure of an organisation should be, one which instills a positive attitude in the newbies so that they are willing to go the extra mile in their tasks. But my efforts was not to be, the old way of things just stuck. After all, I was at the bottom of the pyramid so my reasons may seem to be to alleviate my burden. At the very least, I wanted to create a fun and comfortable environment now that I am the most senior medic of my Rota. But I do hope I will not be taken advantage of of this privilege I am offering. When I was the junior medic, I was criticised in every way possible and was pushed to the limits of physical endurance for simple mistakes which I doubt merits the punishment I was given. There was even a time I was sent to detention barracks for 10 days. But the days of detention barracks was a blessing in disguise. In there, I was given so much time to do literally nothing but think. And I thought about things from structures and societies. From wealth to future. One way to empty the boredom was to read, we were given books to read, and I finished reading Robert Kiyosaki's Rich Dad, Poor Dad which made me inspired to take my future in my hands. When I got out, I made many many plans to not waste time for I realise how short and wasteful my time can be rotting in a cell, listening as the world grows on without you. I learnt things about perspectives which utterly widen my view about this world. At first, I just cannot understand why people are just so indifferent and think so differently. It was during my time in the detention barracks that I notice how even my character was shaped by the essence of my relationships at home and outside and I thought about how living in another person would cause my character to be so. That was how I learn how different a Malay or a Chinese can be in the way we think and laugh at different things. We are different! Our perspectives are different.
The journey to self-discovery then started. I grew interested in the arts and in books for they are knowledge! I become engrossed in amassing knowledge because it makes me understand things, it makes me understand this world. It makes me understand how injustice can be justified in a viewpoint of its master who created it. How I wish I had this drive and thirst for knowledge in Junior College where I dwell in petty things like a break up and procrastination. Of course, this period was also a period of blindly groping in the dark. A simple solution was religion, just do as a religion say and you are fine. But no, I need to find the reason behind religion and its practices. I went for meditation classes conducted by Singapore Meditation Group which used to hold a class every week on a Tuesday. I also went clubbing and drinking to know what it feels like to be okay with doing them. I went clubbing a number of times before DB but now I had a reason for doing so. I wanted to feel how it would affect me and affect society. And I have concluded how bad it is for society to have such frivolous activities! I auditioned, helped out and acted in a very small role in a local movie, Certified Deadd. I volunteered for SEA Games. I tutored students for APEX. I read a lot about philosophy, about religion, about language and experience. I go to the Esplanade before the start of every night shift to simply witness the live performances on showcase. I experienced wonderful guzheng performances, choirs, bands, Spanish music, African drumbeat, carols, poetry recitals and opera singing. Each performance had its reason and origin and beauty. That is how I feel towards experience now after empty cold detention barracks. That is how I appreciate all that I have been blessed with.
I suppose now I feel contented with planning about the future and making plans for every day because there is so much things to do every moment. I cannot simply waste them doing nothing. Like finishing books or watching movies. I've not been to a club since 6 months ago, but instead I do go to pubs or to the Tampines MacDonald to watch Premier League football with some new and some older friends from junior college. I write a lot, a lot of which goes unpublished.
Recently I visited Saudi Arabia with my family for a long 2 weeks break from national service. I've also written about my experience there. I will ORD in March. Work casually for awhile. Start schooling in Linguistics for NTU in August. The rest is already planned but I do know there will be changes to it. But for now, lets take things year by year. To another enriching year! (I just wanted this post to be a short recent update because I have not written about what I did for the past months but I wrote too long again :(. )
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